u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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