:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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