Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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