just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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