ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I understand Curling. That high.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
