Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
