He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
