if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
