apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
