too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
