I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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