I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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