When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
