I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
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