i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
