She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
