He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
