U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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