Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
my being single is dangerous.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I party with great urgency now.
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