On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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