This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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