I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
