even my farts smell like vagina
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
