Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
