Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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