That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
