He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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