I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
