Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
