I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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