thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
