So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
