HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
