Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
