I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He felt like a one man threesome
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
