You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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