So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
