So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
