just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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