I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
