she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
