Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
