I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
