3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
If I die, sorry about rent.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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