you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
