: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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