Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
