hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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