U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
