If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
