He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
