You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
