I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
