you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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