Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
