She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
